Another Year Over

Since it's that time of year, I thought I'd compile a list of some memorable football moments over the past 12 months. This is a totally subjective list, so bear that in mind before leaving angry comments about the exclusion of so-and-so. I don't doubt that I've left out some footballing nuggets, but these are what came to mind in the 10 minutes I spent thinking about the year gone by. I'll try and include relevant Youtube clips where possible, because that's the kind of guy I am. And also, the list has no order. So without further adieu...

Fabregas v Milan

It was the second leg of the first Champions League knockout round. Milan had gotten a slightly fortuitous 0-0 draw at the Emirates, where Adebayor somehow managed to miss a header roughly 7 inches from the goal line. Most people thought Arsenal had blown their chance. The old dogs of Milan were said to be too wily to let this youthful Arsenal side get the result they needed on Italian soil. Cesc Fabregas and co. proved most people very wrong.

It was a team effort of course, with even Philip Senderos playing well for a change. But it was the little Spaniard that ran the show from beginning to end. His tackling was tenacious, his workrate second to none, and everything we've come to expect from Fabregas -- his impeccable decision making, his precise passing, his ability to control the tempo of a game -- was on song. He had been quite laboured in the weeks that led up to this game, and quite laboured afterwards as well, but in these 90 minutes he was the complete midfielder, showing the once imperious Pirlo how it's now done.

Discovering Football Weekly

I can't quite remember when exactly I discovered Football Weekly, but I know it was some time in 2008, so that's good enough for it to make the list. I've championed this podcast on the blog already, but I have no problem doing so again.

To put it plainly, my football experience is not complete until I hear the opinions of "the pod" on Monday afternoon and Thursday evening. For anyone who says that football is their favourite sport, Football Weekly is practically required listening. If you haven't yet discovered the joy of it, then do so as soon as possible. There will be a new podcast up on Monday the 29th. I strongly encourage you to listen to it.

Arsenal v Liverpool

Another Arsenal related moment. This time the Gunners were faced with a tricky tie against Liverpool at Anfield (Liverpool in the Champions League and all that jazz) after coming out of the first leg at the Emirates with an unjust 1-1 draw (it should really have been 2-1, with Bendtner blocking a goal bound effort from Fabregas, and the referee denying Hleb a stone wall penalty after the Belarusian had danced his way into the box with his patented nimble footwork). Arsenal had to score at Anfield, and boy did they do just that and then some.

They completely dominated for 30 minutes, playing some of the best football of the season. The goal came from a neatly worked move, and at that point it almost looked like it was just a question of how many Arsenal would score. But then the Senderos factor kicked in. Having completley lost one of the most dangerous aerial threats of the last 10 years in the form of Sami Hyypia at a corner, Senderos then went on to give about 3 yards of space in the box to one of the most potent finishers in the Premier League, and Torres accepted the gift by guiding the ball into the top corner.

The game seemed to just drift away from Arsenal, until Theo Walcott produced a moment of unbelievable brilliance. Never did I think him capable of such things, but he proved me and a host of other people very wrong. It was just incredible to watch, and a moment worthy of winning any tie. Unfortunately for Walcott and Arsenal, it wasn't sufficient to win this tie. In keeping with their season, Arsenal managed to overshadow their attacking prowess by switching off mentality, and allowing Liverpool to go straight back up the field and win a (soft) penalty. A fourth Liverpool goal followed, and Arsenal's Champions League dream was shattered.

Still though, this was easily the game of the season for me, and one that will live long in the memory. If I did have an order to this list, this game would probably be at the top.

Terry Penalty

England's lion heart. England's war hero. Chelsea's rock, their heartbeat, their captain fantastic. John Terry has received all sorts of praise over the years, but in my opinion he has been vastly overrated. He is a good defender, but he's not even the best at his own club. That honour goes to Ricardo Carvalho, and it seems that it is the Portuguese defender's absence which is alerting people to this fact ironically enough.

Terry's missed penalty has of course nothing to do with his defensive capabilities, but you can forgive me for taking a certain amount of pleasure from seeing him completely fluff the chance to win Chelsea that much coveted Champions League trophy. Why he was the designated fifth penalty taker I do not know. The nasty part of me thinks that he just wanted the chance to be a hero, and selfishly decided to step up to the plate rather than letting someone with actual penalty taking abilities to the job. But then maybe no one else wanted the pressure, so JT took it upon himself when all else cowered at the chance.

Either way, he missed, and at that point you just knew who was going to go on and lift the trophy. The only disappointment was that had he scored the penalty, then Ronaldo would have been to blame for United's loss, and on a schadenfreude measuring device, I don't think anything could top that.

Messi v Ronaldo

When Man United and Barcelona were pitted against each other in the semi final of the Champions League, football fans' collective mouth began to water. The games themselves didn't quite work out as people thought they might. They were supposed to be end-to-end affairs, feasts of attacking football, but instead they were slightly cagey, with Barcelona having most of the ball and United defending superbly.

However, the subplot in this tie was equally intriguing. This was billed as 'Ronaldo vs Messi', the battle to see who really is the best player in the world. Of course all of this was sheer hype, and the best player in the world was never going to be decided during the course of two games. But that didn't stop people from getting worked up, with many probably seeing this as the chance for Ronaldo to show that he is the superior footballing specimen.

Well, he did nothing of the sort. If this was indeed Ronaldo vs Messi, then there was only one clear winner, and it wasn't the player who plucks his eye brows. Messi had been out for a month or so before the two games, but he was a constant thorn in United's side over both legs, producing some vintage 'Messi' moments along the way, some of which you can see here. There was a priceless piece of play in the first leg when Messi faced Ronaldo with the ball, waited for the pristinely groomed playboy to make a tackle, and just jinked by him in the blink of an eye. It served as a microcosm of the duo's battle.

The good news is that finally, after many, many months of hearing about Ronaldo's status as best in the world, people have woken up to the fact that the Camp Nou is the home of the world's best football player. The irony is that this realization was only cemented in popular belief around the time Ronaldo picked up the Ballon D'Or. That must really hurt the winker's ego..No wonder he's lashing out at everyone in sight.

Spain

It's very rare these days that the team who play the best football win a major trophy at international level. Since France's victory at Euro 2000, there hasn't really been a team worthy to be considered the best in the world/Europe. In 2002, Brazil won what was a distinctly average World Cup, 2004 saw a resolute but technically limited Greece side lift the European Cup, and the same can be said about the victorious Italian side of 2006, who were excellent in defense but quite laboured in the final third of the pitch. In each of these tournaments the quality was subpar, and only the Argentine team of '06 sticks out as being truly world class.

Euro 2008 broke the curse of dodgy international football, and it saw Spain break their long lived curse of being supreme under achievers. In truth, I think Spain have been vastly overrated in previous tournaments. Players like Etxeberria, Albelda, Baraja, Luque and Joaquin were getting games in 2004, but they were not really good enough to ever win anything. Compare them with Xavi, Iniesta, Senna, Villa and Fabregas and it is clear that the Spain team of 2008 really was a much better team than those of previous years. This was a team with genuine talent, a team that could have been justifiably branded as having under achieved by getting knocked out in the quarter finals.

However, this was to be their year, and never has a team so richly deserved to lift a trophy. They played the best football in a tournament full of good football, and I don't think there is any football fan who would begrudge them their victory. The defining moment of their tournament has to be the win over Italy in the quarter finals. This would usually have been the point for Spain to exit stage left, and having outplayed the Italian's for 120 minutes it seemed all set up for Italy to snatch victory courtesy of a penalty shootout. However, Fabregas was given the chance to exorcise a host of demons, and the former Barcelona prodigy made no mistake, cooly slotting the ball past one of the best goalkeepers ever to grace the sport.

This monumental win lifted the heavy burden off of Spanish shoulders, and they went on to dispatch Russia by playing their best football of the tournament, and ended proceedings by completely outclassing Germany in the final.

Euro 2008 was not only a victory for Spain though - it serves as a victory for football in general. The Spanish team didn't contain any immense physical specimens like Drogba or Cristiano Ronaldo. This was a victory for brain over braun. A victory for intelligence over physicality. Spain showed that playing football the way it should be played, the way that makes it the beautiful game, is the best way to win things. They have set the bar when it comes to international football, and given the relative youth of the side, it could be a while before they are knocked off their perch.

Barcelona v Athletico

There is no doubt as to which is the best club team at this moment in time, despite what the Fifa Club World Cup (or whatever it is called) might tell you. Barcelona have won 13 of 16 league games, scoring 48 goals and conceding only 10. If they were in the Premier League, they'd be third, 4 points behind Liverpool and 1 behind Chelsea, with four games in hand. As it is, they are first in La Liga, a massive 10 points clear of their nearest 'rivals' - hardly surprising given that they are averaging 3 goals a game, and have just beaten four of the best teams in Spain by an aggregate score of 11-1.

I've watched a lot of their games, but the one that stands out is the tie against Athletico Madrid. While Athletico were missing a few players, what Barcelona did to them was just catastrophic. The Catalan giants were 3-0 up after seven -- yes, seven -- minutes, and 5-1 up after twenty eight. It finished 6-1 in the end, but only because Barcelona didn't want to embarrass their opponents.

At the beginning of the season when Barcelona had lost and drawn their opening two fixtures, the ever excellent Sid Lowe (who will be in the pod today on Football Weekly) said that it's only a matter of time before Barcelona start clicking and beat someone 24-0. Well, they haven't quite managed 24, but they have won 6-1 (x2), 6-0, 5-0, 4-0, 4-1, and have generally looked unplayable.

While people are saying that Barcelona pose the biggest threat to another Champions League of Anglo domination, it seems more correct to say that the English teams pose the biggest threat to Barca domination. A slightly shakey defense still leaves a large question mark looming over their Champions League-winning credentials, but if they continue on this form in the new year and get past Lyon in the last 16 of the CL, then they will be the team that nobody (not even Liverpool) wants to draw.

Abu Dhabi Group

The comical tales of Messi and Kaka going to City aside, this takeover could well be the start of something very serious in world football. While Manchester City hover in and out of the relegation zone, the events of August 31 await their fulfillment in the January transfer window, and in the summer ahead. Nobody quite knows what's going to happen. Who will move to the Eastlands? Will players such as David Villa want to go? Or will City just end up buying the Shevchenko's of this world - former great players who are looking for a hefty retirement package?

There is talk of players like Bellamy, Defoe, and Parker moving to City, but if the Abu Dhabi group and Manchester City are serious about getting into the Champions League then they must overlook such third tier players. They need to look outside the Premier League for the players that they need, starting with Diego of Werder Bremen. A striker will most definitely be sought after, but Defoe and Bellamy don't represent good options. City should be looking to play a 4-2-3-1 formation (all the cool kids are using it these days), and I don't think such a formation will suit Defoe, and if Bellamy wasn't good enough for a bad Liverpool team then he shouldn't be good enough for a side looking to eventually break into the top 4. He's a mid-table player, nothing less and nothing more.

By signing Robinho, City have set the standard pretty high. I had my doubts about him -- some of which remain -- but you can't deny that he is a first or second tier player; his wonder goal against Arsenal and his last minute strike against Blackburn prove as much. But he needs good company (no pun attended). Will the Abu Dhabi group be able purchase the required personnel? We await with baited breath.

Ireland's goal v Hull

While Robinho has been quite the success story for City this season, he has actually been eclipsed by a 22 year old Irishman in the form of Steven Ireland. The former Cobh Ramblers youngster has been nothing short of excellent so far this season, and if the award for player of the season was given out now, he might well be the favourite to pick it up.

He has had many great moments in a City shirt so far, a personal favourite of mine being his performace against Hull on Boxing Day when he scored one and assisted three, giving me 38 points in Fantasy Football since I had him as captain.

However, the moment that encapsulates his season so far is his second goal against Hull back in November. He controlled the ball outside the box, and as it landed to the ground he just guided it into the bottom corner on the half-volley. It was a Robinho-esque piece of magic, and yet it was produced by someone who can play for the Irish national team. Speaking of which, if Steven Ireland isn't in the next Irish squad then Trapattoni needs his large head examined. At the moment he's the best Irish player I've seen since Roy Keane, and if we are to acheive anything then Steven Ireland must be reinstated, no matter how many grannies he's killed off.

Robin Good

Nothing much in the way of new insights can be gained from the Arsenal v Liverpool clash on Sunday. Liverpool won't win the league, and neither will Arsenal.

However, the game did produce two very good goals. Robbie Keane's first time strike following Agger's 'Hail Mary' was exceptional, especially given the fact that it was produced by a striker so short of confidence that his manager would rather bank on a pretty poor defensive midfielder finding the net than him (which is really just rubbing salt into a gaping wound). In most other games, Keane's goal would be easily the pick of the bunch. But not in this game.

Robin van Persie's goal was just riddled with class. Agger's punt required good movement from Keane, and a precise finish. However, Nasri's pinpoint pass required of van Persie exquisite close control, quick thinking, nimble footwork, and both his left and his right foot (the latter of which seems to have improved remarkebly, what with him scoring at least 3 very good goals with it this season...although maybe it has always been good, and I just never noticed[?]).

There really is no teaching what Van Persie did on Sunday. Many strikers could produce Keane's finish every once in a while, but very few could ever even think of doing what van Persie did, let alone do it. I don't want to sound like I'm going way over the top here, but this goal is honestly the greatest goal ever scored, and it was scored by the best player ever to grace a football field.

OK so neither of those stataments are even remotely true, but this is a special goal nonetheless, and van Persie is a special talent. He's not yet consistent enough to be considered one of the best around, but as I wrote before, he's getting there, and he's getting there quite quickly. Don't be surprised if he's snapped up by a club that actually plan on winning things come summer time*.


* Although given the latest rumours to surface regarding the transfer window, it seems as if Arsene Wenger may be dusting off the Arsenal FC wallet and going against every fibre of his being by making a big signing and thus aiming to win a trophy. Arshavin perhaps? Or Tevez? I'd be incredibly surprised if either of those go through, but it would certainly be a step in the right direction...although I'm not convinced they need Tevez. They do need a creative spark to fill the void left by Hleb though. As I've said in a previous post, he was the biggest loss during the summer, and his departure is the main reason for why Arsenal just aren't as aesthetically pleasing any more. Shooting and goalscoring and all that unimportant stuff may not have been his specialty, but by God he could dribble.

Uh Oh Lawro

You may or not be aware of this, but Mark Lawrenson actually said something of interest yesterday. Unfortunately for Lawro however, it landed him in some pretty hot water, so don't expect him to come out with anything of the sort again.

So what did he say and where did he say it? Well, he said it talking to Irish media of course. Isn't it great that we Irish have the gift of making football people be completely candid, and getting them to say whatever the hell they want to say? I think so. Being an analyst in England is like being a caged animal, or even a circus animal that performs the same tricks week in week out. However, the Irish media lets the animal out of the circus. It's as if people see Eamonn Dunphy and think "Well if he can get away with it then why can't I?" so they end up being refreshingly honest, albeit largely wrong (some things can't change).

In talking to Today FM, Lawrenson probably got a bit too excited about his latest scoop, forgot about the fact that people in England can still hear about things that happen in Ireland, and went beyond the call of duty, at least in the eyes of LFC. Here's what he had to say regarding a topic I wrote about not so long ago:

"Sorry to name drop but I had a drink with Steven Gerrard at a function on Saturday night, and we were talking about Robbie Keane...He was saying to me that they [Keane and Gerrard] share the same agent and he thinks something is going to happen with Robbie Keane in January...He thinks he's going to be moved on."

First of all, sorry to name drop? Yeah right! You just wanted to shout the fact that you had a drink with Gerrard from the roof tops, didn't you Mark? My guess is that Lawro just made the whole Robbie Keane thing up in order to let it be known that he had a drink with Stevie G. He couldn't just say "So I had a drink with Steven Gerrard" and leave it at that. After all, that would just come off as a pathetic attempt to name drop, which is clearly not what Lawro wanted to do [???]. Instead, Lawrenson decided to attach an interesting but fictional piece to his Gerrard encounter, just so he could let it be known that he is on drinking terms with Steven Gerrard, but without sounding like that's all he wanted people to know. Nice try, Mark.

Of course being reasonable people, we can only assume that Lawrenson wasn't just making this whole thing up, right? I mean if we were to find out that none of this was true, and that Steven Gerrard never said that he thinks Robbie is going to be moved on, then I don't think the BBC would have any choice but to sack Mark Lawrenson based on his penchant for downright lying, nor would the Sun have any choice but to hire him for that exact reason. After all, one man's Busted is another man's Led Zeppeilin, or something...

Well all of this happened yesterday, and it left the footballing world in quite a stir, while Robbie Keane was probably left crying into his laptop screen wondering how in the world he could be moved on while Dirk Kuyt gets to stay. I'd love to be at Liverpool's training ground today, that's for sure.

But alas, this isn't the end of the tale. Lawrenson has come out saying things again, only this time he has retracted the one interesting piece of information he has ever given us. Why, Mark, why!? Larwo now claims that all of what he said on Today Fm was his own opinion, failing to realise that we gave up paying attention to his opinion long ago, and would actually rather lies than it. Anyway, here's what he said today about what he had to say yesterday:

"I'm sorry if it caused any aggravation but it wasn't meant to. Steven Gerrard's name should never have come up in terms of Robbie Keane going in January. It wasn't Steven saying that it was me saying it.

"The only connection I was making between the two was that they have the same agent and I have had a hunch for a while that Keane could go.

"But that is my opinion and nothing whatsoever to do with any conversations I had with Steven Gerrard.

"I happened to mention I spoke to him on Saturday night but I didn't mean for that to come across in the way that it has been interpreted."

So he did just do it for the sake of name dropping! That's real classy, Mark. Real classy.

What I'm not clear about is that referring to Gerrard, Lawrenson clearly said yesterday that "He thinks he's [that is, Keane] going to be moved on". But now he's saying that it wasn't Steven Gerrard saying that, but rather that is his own opinion? Did Lawrenson even have a drink with Gerrard at all, or was he just having both a drink and a conversation with himself? Or perhaps he did have a drink with Gerrard, but then quoted himself in the third person.

And where does the agent fit into it? If Gerrard never said anything regarding Keane, then mentioning their mutual agent is utterly meaningless. Saying that he was just trying to make a connection between Gerrard and Keane becomes completely redundent, because we're well aware of a pretty strong connection already - they both play for Liverpool! The fact that they share the same agent means diddley squat if Gerrard didn't voice an opinion on the Keane situation, which Lawro is now saying he didn't.

Honestly, given that I have trouble believing that someone would just make this whole story up for Irish radio, I think Gerrard did say those things, but then Lawro realised that he really shouldn't be repeating them in public. Now he's just trying to cover his tracks, but there's really no way to do that unless he wants to brand himself as either a complete fool or a filthy liar. If I were Lawro, I'd play the "fool" card. I don't think people will have trouble buying into that.

As Good As It Gets

First of all, as far as I'm aware there is now a 50% chance the either Chelsea or Arsenal will draw Barcelona in the next round. Since Barcelona can't face either of the Madrid's, Villarreal, or Sporting Lisbon, that only leaves four teams for them to be pitted against, two of which are English. This represents bad news for these three giants, but great news for rivals and neutrals. For Man Utd, there is a 50% chance that one of their biggest rivals will be eliminated from the competition. Maybe finishing first was actually the best thing after all. Stupid maths.

Anyway, the main reason I write is that there has been a lot of talk about the group stages this time around, with people pining for the days of old when it was either a competition strictly for champions, or a straight knock-out competition, or both. I have to say that I completely disagree with each and every one of these sentiments. Do people really want to see the Bulgarian champions play European football instead of Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea, Real Madrid, Villarreal? I hope not. We want to see the best teams play, and so if the fourth best English or Spanish team is better than the champion of an Eastern European league then so be it. (Of course there has to be limits, and I think top 4 is a suitable limit.)

It seems like people long for the days of cup upsets, where bin men and lorry drivers play in big matches and have a "great day out" etc etc. Well if I wanted to see useless players play with big hearts, I'd go to Eircom League games every Friday night. But no. I want to see the best teams play against each other. I don't want to see a final between Porto and Panathenaikos. I don't want to see Barcelona eliminated in the first round of a competition thanks to some heroic defending by the opposition or a bad refereeing decision or whatever. I don't care what anyone says - these one-off upsets are not what football is all about. Ask yourself this - did you prefer Euro 2004 or Euro 2008? Did you enjoy seeing the minnows of Greece triumph by defending very, very well, or did you enjoy seeing Spain pass their way to the winners podium?

Yes the group stages of the Champions League this year weren't very exciting, and virtually every team in the knock-out stages could have been predicted to be there from the get go. But that didn't mean that the lesser teams didn't have a chance. There was still room for excitement. Zenit St Petersburg could have ousted Real Madrid. Bordeaux could have beaten Chelsea. Arsenal could have lost to Dinamo Kiev. They didn't, but they could have.

The problem therefore is not in the format. The "problem" is that the good teams are better than the bad teams. Does that mean we should even out the playing field by trying to get more bad teams advancing further? No, of course not. They all had their chance in the group stages, but they weren't good enough to cause any upsets. And so what we have left is arguably the best selection of teams that the knock-out stage has seen. I mean do the people who yearn for the good ol' days want to maybe take Barcelona and Chelsea out of there and replace them with Basel and Steau Bucharest? Would that spice things up a bit? Me thinks not.

As far as I'm concerned, the current Champions League format is as good as can be, and the reforms being introduced next year to improve it will actually only serve to weaken it (more bad teams = worse quality, right?). I was thinking about ways to improve it last night, and all I could think of was the following, which has some fundamental flaws:

Instead of playing everybody twice in the group stages, you play them once, with the top two advancing. The remaining 16 teams are then put into four groups, and from there it basically becomes a prolonged (former) European Championships - 4 groups, play each other once, top 2 go through to the quarter finals etc. The problem of course arises with home and away games. There wouldn't be an even number in the group stages. That (substantial problem) aside however, I think such a format would be incredibly exciting, while at the same time allowing the cream to rise to the top. Agree?

But apart from that slightly whacky idea, I think there can be no improving on the present format. Yes there wasn't much to cheer about this time around, but remember when Utd finished last in their group? Or when Liverpool had to win their three remaining games to qualify? Or when Chelsea were in the same group as Barcelona? I just think people are humming this "the Champions League is a sham" tune for the sake of it, without actually taking into account the bigger picture. With the prospect of a sensational knock-out stage to come, it's all a bit premature really. One wonders what these same people will be saying if next February we get to see Chelsea v Barcelona on Tuesday night and Man Utd v Real Madrid on Wednesday, with highlights of Arsenal v Bayern Munich and Liverpool v Inter.

Maths Can Be Fun...Kind Of

You'd think that topping the group would be the priority in the Champions League, right? Well, thanks to some less than scientific analysis, I've reasoned that it's actually in Arsenal's interest to come second (and hence United's too), which is quite possibly why Wenger has his kids playing tonight.

I've taken all of the group winners and runners up, and given them a number based on their position in their respective leagues. Of course it required some guess work as to who is going to finish where tonight, but I think my assumptions are fairly accurate. Here's how I think it will pan out (excl. Arsenal, Porto, and the teams Arsenal can't draw):

Group Winners
Roma = 13
Barcelona = 1
Panathenikos = 3
Lyon = 1
Juventus = 2

Runners-Up
Inter = 1
Sporting = 3
Athletico Madrid = 6
Villarreal = 2
Bayern Munich = 2
Real Madrid = 5

Simply put, the group of teams that has the lowest average score is the one you want to avoid, right?

Well, based on who Arsenal can meet in the next round, the group winners have a total of 20. Divide that by 5 and you get an average of 4. The runners-up have a total of 19, so divide that by 6 and you get 3.166. Therefore it's better for Arsenal to finish 2nd. It's a deeply flawed system I know, but I think it's actually pretty accurate. I mean you can pretty much tell it's right based on just looking at the two lists.

However, should Man Utd be aware of this, then it's actually in their interest to finish where Arsenal finish. Since they can't draw the Gunners in the next round regardless, they're much better off giving themselves the chance to draw Porto.

For Arsenal, they're better off finishing second no matter where Utd finish.

The argument that Roma adding 13 points to the group winners total is an aberration is fair one, but I think that's mainly balanced out by the fact that Panathenikos are a dream ticket, and Lyon play in the French League, and they've yet to cause the big boys any trouble in past tournaments.

The more I've written, the more I've become aware that this make very little sense, but the bottom line is that Arsenal, and consequently Man Utd, should finish second. And for the neutral, that would mean a 50% chance of seeing Barcelona play one of the English teams in the next round. Wouldn't that be exciting? As dull as the group stages have been at times, I think we're in for a cracking knock-out stage, and I can't wait until the draw takes place on Friday week.

Robbie Keane (I guess I'm not feeling imaginative today)

Rafa: Don't repeat this to anyone, but I'm planning on building this club around Dirk Kuyt
Robbie: Say what?

I'm seriously considering devoting my blog to the rigorous study of every single word written and spoken by Eamonn Dunphy. He's nothing if not controversial -- though some may argue that that's all he is, but I respectfully disagree -- and so it would be interesting to tackle the issues that Eamonn Dunphy sees fit for rants that more often than not break the law of non-contradiction. Example: Rant 1 - "Gerrard was found out tonight - a nothing player"; Rant 2 - "Gerrard is a top, top player."

This week in Eamonn's Daily Star column, he unabashedly declares that he'd rather have Robbie Keane in his side than Cristiano Ronaldo. Had he said this when Robbie was at the top of his game, well, it would still be absolute maddness. That's not to say I disagree mind you. I mean I would rather have Robbie Jackson on my team than Cristiano Ronaldo. But I don't argue that based on footballing reasons. I argue based on my unrivalled dislike of the Portuguese plonker. Dunphy on the other hand chose to go down the footballing route when trying to persuade his readers that Keane is better than Ronaldo, but at this point in time that's pretty much a lost cause.

He argues that Keane is a more intelligent footballer than Ronaldo, which I think is true. But then, who isn't a more intelligent footballer than Ronaldo? Put Stephen Hawking on a football pitch and I'm sure he'd have a much better footballing brain than Ronaldo. However, it wouldn't count for much in the grand scheme of things, and so it doesn't really count for Robbie, who might as well be sitting on a wheelchair for the 70 odd minutes that Rafa puts up with his headless chickenness.

Of course its not all Robbie's fault that he's doing so poorly. For starters, he's not a lone striker, and he never will be. Out of all the the qualities that make up a good lone striker, Robbie Keane possesses the following:

- none

He's slow, small, and weak. I don't think I need a fourth to show you that he's just not cut out to be a Didier Drogba type, or even a Fernando Torres type. And speaking of the overrated (yes, overrated) Torres, he is certainly not the kind of striking partner that Keane flourishes alongside. Keane needs a Niall Quinn, a Dimitar Berbatov, a Gary Doher...OK that's probably pushing it, but he needs someone who can nod the ball on, and someone with an intelligent football brain to link up with. In my opinion, Torres possesses neither of those qualities. There's a certain intelligence to his game alright, but not the kind that Keane can work efficiently with.

For me, the bottom line is that Keane and Torres will most likely never work. I may be proved wrong, but I just can't see them gelling. Can you? Robbie followed his heart by moving to Liverpool, but if he used his head he would have realised that his game just doesn't suit the "Liverpool way", and he would have either stayed at Tottenham or moved elsewhere. I certainly don't begrudge him joining the Reds, but if he finds himself struggling for form and out of favour, then at the end of the day he has nobody to blame but himself.

Kielty and Ferrer

I had the first-time experience of properly watching a La Liga match on Sky Sports last Saturday. My usual m.o. is to frantically search the vault of Sopcast or JustinTV in the hopes of finding coverage of the game where 1) the ball is visible, and 2) it doesn't cut out every 3 minutes. Given that these two things can be hard to come by for Spanish games, I'm more than willing to settle for Japanese commentary, or coverage where there are so many little information boxes on the screen that the only thing you can see is the ball. This is all part of the price you pay for being cheap, so far be it from me to complain.

Of course all of this meant that seeing a game on an actual television was such a treat for me. I didn't care that the presenter looked like the love-child of Paul Bettany and Patrick Kielty. In fact that was a plus if anything. Neither did the fact that Albert Ferrer was the one and only analyst bother me. OK it did bother me. But having only one analyst always bothers me. In fact, analysts in general bother me, but that's another issue entirely. The point is, Albert Ferrer has strange hair and therefore he can't be trusted. That is the point, isn't it?

To be honest, I didn't hear either Patrick Bettany or Albert Ferrer say much, but that may well have been for the best. What I did behold was a very good Barcelona team, and two very good goals scored by the best player in the world. His second was more and more impressive every time I saw it. A pinpoint pass from Hleb (whose passing is extremely underrated) played Messi through, he had a quick glance at where the goals were in relation to where he was, took the ball beyond the keeper, and stroked it confidently into the net from around the edge of the box without so much as peeking at the goalposts a second time. A good player may well have carried the ball too far beyond the keeper, or hit the shot into the side-netting. But Messi did it all to perfection, making it look easier than it actually was. Can he get any better than this? Does he need to?

On the general subject of FC Barcelona, I'd be utterly shocked if they don't win the league. And if any club outside of England is going to win the Champions League, it will be the Catalan giants. There is very little I'm more sure about in life than that. In compelete disarray, the came mighty close to knocking Man Utd out of the competition last season, so who knows what they will be capable of in the months to come. RTE's *cough* student of the Spanish game Eamonn Dunphy is tipping Barcelona for mounting a serious threat, though I'm sure it comes with a warning that Puyol is rubbish and that "they're hopeless at the back, Bill". Of course they are still vulnerable in defense, but it took a corker from Scholes to break them last season, and they certainly haven't gotten any worse since then. Although that said, I have serious reservations about the defensive capabilites of Dani Alves. To be honest, in all the games I've watched I haven't actually seen him defend, so it will be interesting to see him pitted against a formidable winger such as, um, Albert Reira [?]. (As a sidenote, who are the good wingers these days, or does the position even exist anymore?)

All in all, it was a Saturday night well spent, and it certainly beat causing further damage to my eyes trying to make out where the ball was, and cursing Justin (whoever he is) when those horrible words "not broadcasting" appear on the bottom of my laptop screen. And always at a crucial moment as well. You do that on purpose, don't you? Damn you Justin...and your TV.