What It All Really Means

"The board has given him a vote of confidence." - He'll be sacked in a week or two, just so it doesn't like a complete knee-jerk reaction.

"He's a good squad player." - He's rubbish, but he can be play in a lot of positions.

"He's a good shot stopper." - He can save shots that you'd expect any goalkeeper to save, but he's crap on crosses and has no command of his area, i.e., he's a terrible goalkeeper.

"I'd be happy to stay at this club for life." - The only way I'm leaving is if someone offers me a truck load of money, so please, make a bid for me Real Madrid and I'll be out of here so fast it will make your head spin.

"It was a difficult decision for the ref to make, so I have a lot of sympathy for him. Anyway, these decisions even themselves out in the end." - We were just gifted three points because of a horrendous refereeing decision that was blatantly wrong. Cheers Mr Styles.

"The ref was awful throughout, and that decision at the end has cost us the match." - I'm aware that we just had a poor decision in our favour last week which has now been evened out, but I'm going to choose to ignore that and focus on the horrible state of refereeing, and how terrible our luck with bad decisions is.

"He's not a dirty player." - He's a filthy hacker who has been sent off more than anyone else at the club. You should see him in training. Yikes!

"He's a great man manager." - He doesn't have a clue about tactics or the subtle nuances of the game, but he gives good press conferences.

"He's a top, top player." - He's actually quite average, but he's English, so he must be one of the best around.

"We're not underestimating them." - We know they're rubbish, but it's not like I'm gonna admit that on television. I mean that would just be cruel.

"I can get even better." - I've reached the peak of my career, but I don't want anyone to know that.

"I should win World Player of the Year." - I'm a huge tool.

"He won't be able to make the international friendly midweek due to injury." - He's not in the least bit injured, but we don't want him to risk him, and to be honest, he doesn't even want to bother playing in the game anyway.

"He reads the game well." - He's as slow as Christmas.

"It's not just about me. It was a great team performance." - I was bloody good, wasn't I? And look how humble I am too.

Feel free to add your own as a comment!